Winona Ryder? Well, she’s a chain-smoker, isn’t she. Indeed. And frankly, I am completely disgusted. Do hear me? Disgusted! Appalled! Revolted! Shocked! Hack-hack-hack! And here she is, darling as a tea cup, cute as a pickle, perky-perky-perky, a little sweetheart—felonious shoplifting habits not withstanding—but the horrible truth? She’s all nicotine stained and horrid-breathed and black-lunged. I never would have expected it of her never. Never!

My whole world has gone wonky. I just don’t know who I am anymore.

And do you know how I found this out? DO YOU? Star Trek. Star Trek! How humiliating. Observe (if you dare):

“Winona’s a heavy smoker and she was furious when the producers of the new Star Trek movie that she’s appearing in told her she’s not allowed to take a smoke break anywhere near the set because of a confidentiality agreement she signed. The film’s brass is hellbent on stopping photographers or details of the movie set or its stars getting out to the public. “Winona said she understood but she’s crawling the walls.”

Well, on second thought, affiliating oneself with Star Trek in any way whatsoever is about a million times worse than chain smoking. I’m sure you ageee. Word.

In other chain-smoking skanks: That bleach-blonde chainsmoking hoochie from American Pie (which I never watched) and, uh, The Josie and the Pussycats Movie (which I kind of watched) passed out at, oh Jesus, something called The Hooker’s Ball for Christ’s sake, and she claims that she just slipped on some “water” and it had nothing to do with drugs or booze or general skankiness, but Parker Posie, who is fabulous and definitely not a hooker, was also in the Josie and the Pussycat Movie, so just hush up about my tastes in film. Thank you. .

American Pie star Tara Reid has put an end to speculation over her shock collapse at a Christmas party over the weekend.

The party-loving actress was taken to a local hospital in Bali and treated for cuts and bruises after a mystery fall.

But while the Internet was flooded with allegations of a drug overdose, Reid is adamant the incident was perfectly innocent.

She tells MSNBC’s The Scoop, “I slipped at the pool and saw a doctor but I’m fine.”

The 32-year-old was in Bali after a promotional tour of Australia, where she hosted the Hooker’s Ball in Darwin at the beginning of December.

Adrian Ryan

Share It!