Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton, who are married, had a baby, which is not married at this time. It is a girl. The baby, keeping in theme, ate its way from its mother’s womb, and, dripping placenta and steaming gore, it dragged its vicious and peculiar self across an odd black and white landscape of swirls and curls and dancing bats and burst into song. No one was much surprised. The couple has named the baby “Happy Sally”.

In happier news: Do you know what I hate? When I open my black little heart and admit to people that I love Tori Amos and then they say things like “ yeah, me too–when I was a thirteen year old girl, fag.” God, I hate that. And so does she. And if you say it to her face, she’ll throw your ass out probably. Because that what she did to these two other bitches, and all they did was get up to go to the bathroom or something. Check it out:

“Tori Amos was performing in San Diego on Wednesday when two girls seated in the front row of Copley Symphony Hall persistently left and returned to their places during her performance…she stopped and yelled, “Get the fuck out of my show! It’s a privilege to sit in the front row and I reserve those seats for people who appreciate music, get the fuck out!”

God I love Tori Amos. Shut up.

Adrian Ryan

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