Big, dumb actress Tori Spelling has a father who’s made her famous, and a mother cashing in on Paris Hilton’s irresponsibility to get herself her very own slice of media attention. It works out well, since here I am writing about her, even though she’s half of a nobody on a good day. Good thing too, because an open letter to Paris is exactly the thing that will straighten her crooked ways out. Oh Candy Spelling, you are so noble.

Candy Spelling, incapable of doing so herself, encouraged the heiress to “get real”, as it pertains to her jail sentence, for “blaming employees” and making “silly excuses” for her legal problems. She also mentioned Hilton having her friends “stage embarrassing protests” as well as the petition to have her pardoned.

Hilton issued a statement last week saying she was “ready to face the consequences of violating probation,” saying, “No one is above the law. I surely am not. I do not expect to be treated better than anyone else who violated probation,” the heiress said. “However, my hope is that I will not be treated worse.” Even still, she’s trying like hell to get out of it, but that’s the Paris we know, love and own a copy of having sex with that tripod ex-boyfriend of hers.

As if to prove how un-level headed she is, she’s had her psychiatrist petition the court for a continuance in her $10 million slander suit filed by diamond heiress Zeta Graff. Apparently she is so “emotionally distraught and traumatized” that she is “not capable of any meaningful participation” in the civil suit, scheduled to begin this month.

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