With Paris Hilton already behind bars, she’s surely weighing the options before her. Todays Back Nine list of what Paris is doing behind closed bars.

1 – With prison gang pledge week just around the corner, she’s surely deciding whether she’ll rush as a Tejano, or pull a Britney and join the Skinheads.

2 – With only three weeks in lock down, she’ll have just enough to time to carve out the great American pamphlet.

3 – Much like Michael Tyson, she’s planning on coming out the freedom end of the system cut with rippling, ‘roid engorged muscles.

4 – With her hard partying lifestyle, it’s not just likely she’ll opt to drop the soap, but more likely still, she’ll take a long, hard lean down… baby.

5 – With after hours clubs on the inside starting at 7:15pm, she’ll still get VIP treatment with the very finest toilet chardonnay, vintage 2007. It was a good year.

6 – Since the overwhelming majority of the all women, or “girl on girl”, facility is not air conditioned, she’ll have countless hours to practice her finest “That’s so hot” declarations.

7 – She can challenge her own vanity while making vanity plates for those less incarcerated than herself.

8 – She can start working on her GED. With her brief incarceration, she might even make it though the chapter on Mr. Fraction.

9 – When it comes to a rape or be raped world, she’ll have literally days to contemplate from what she should fashion her shiv. That girl knows fashion like nobody’s business. That’s so hot.

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