Scientologist Santa and Peeing in Cups!
The age old question: Scientologist s believe in aliens, spooky UFO driving overlords that will soon return to enslave us all, and that every person on this planet, one way or another, is possessed by the spirits of grouchy E.T.’s but do they believe in Santa Clause?
The age old answer: Who the hell knows?
But they sure believe in Christmas shopping, for very (very very very) lapsed Catholic Mrs. Tom Cruise (Katie Something-something) was seen spending, spending, spending like the spirit of Christmas Capitalism itself, and she is rumored to have squandered over $100,000 dollars of Tom’s hardly earned money on expensive Christmasy trinkets and trash for her outer space obsessed brood. Of course, instead of wrapping the presents in colorful ribbons and bows and placing them under a gaily decorated piece of pine, she will transmogrify them with her flux capacitor and put herself under her gaily closeted piece of husband. Except for that last part, because, as I am sure he’s constantly telling her, it is totally normal for totally straight Scientologists to never ever have common human “sex” with their wives, “now here’s the damn Visa, honey go buy yourself something pretty while I catch up on these Men’s Health magazines.”
It’s all about reading between the lines in this game. But you know that. It’s why I love you.
Elsewhere: For reasons passing understanding, the hot blond Jesus loving 19 year old piece of wonderbread who knocked up Whatserface Spears’ 16 year old sister will NOT be charged with statutory rape for, well, getting the wee little girl knocked-up and/or totally pregnant. This of course sends a clear message to chicken lovers everywhere, and that message is, “If there’s grass on the field, play ball!”
If she old enough to pee…
Speaking of pee: Whatserface Spears’ children will get a very special Xmess gift this year, and it’s what every rich and famous toddler is dying for this season: the chance to pee in a cup! According to sourcey, sourcey sources, Whatserface is deflecting all of the negative attention she gets for her so-called “mothering skills” by accusing her ex husband of smoking the so-called “pot” in their presence, she’s clambering for the pair of them to be tested for secondhand highness.
The pee test: the gift you can’t return.
Adrian Ryan
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2 Comments so farLeave a comment
god you crack me up–best goxxip anywhere
The creator of Scientology, who’s name has escaped me, was a fairly renowned science fiction writer. Years before he started the Scientology religion, he was quoted saying something along the lines of, “If you want to make money, write a book. If you want to make billions, start a religion”
Quote is slightly off center but that’s basically what he said.
Then he started a science fiction based religion, which to my understanding is almost centered around the donation of large sums of money to their religious trust fund or whatever.
Fuck yeah, religion.
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