According to the Hollywood Reporter British candy-ass-music-judge Simon Cowell has decided to make a movie. Cowell is producing with another totally unnecessary and unwarranted assault on our senses called Star Struck, which will detail the goings-on behind the scenes of a fictional TV singing competition.

“We want it to be the musical version of Rocky — an underdog story, a feel-good film,” says Cowell.

This probably isn’t a big stretch for Simon Cowell. He’s been forcing the singing equivalent of getting punched in the face down our throats for years. Hearing any of the “never will be” wanna-be’s on Idol sing Celine Dion covers feels like a sharp uppercut to the face to anyone that is not deaf. Maybe Star Struck’s hero will simply be an audience member locked in a room and forced to listen to Sanjaya sing over and over again. That poor bastard would definitely come out fighting.

Cowell does have an easy casting job. Paula Abdul is a cinch for Adrian. In Rocky I, two of the Italian Stallion’s friends advise, “……you’re takin that Adrian girl out? Take her to the zoo Rock, retards love the zoo”.

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