Kentucky is famous for horse racing, fried chicken but this week it was all about insulting shows of American inanity. The Kentucky Derby was held at Churchill Downs with a star-studded lineup of our nation’s most conspicuously coarse celebrities. “Sabrina, the Teenage Witch” Melissa Joan Hart was sadly our best ambassador hoping to meet the queen, saying she’s been studying up on how to approach royalty. It only got worse on the back-forty.

Jenny McCarthy, who hasn’t appeared in Playboy since her 1994 Playboy Playmate of the Year honor, said it was her first Kentucky Derby appearance, and that she too hoped to meet the queen.

The terrible and terribly hot former nude model said, “I’m scared of what to say to her, though. There are so many rules. [Saying] Yo! Wassup? [to the queen]. That probably isn’t appropriate.”

Gene Simmons of Kiss fame bragged he’d let his girlfriend, another nude model and former Playboy Bunny, Shannon Tweed, “…bet $100,000 of my money on a horse.” He wouldn’t say which horse he’d bet on, but Tweed did say her choice was made on how the jockey’s silks looked. Perhaps England is better off without us after all.

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