We can’t all be young and beautiful forever. No one is more painfully aware of this right now than the only Spice girl I’ve ever admitted masturbating to.

If you are anything like Victoria Beckham and your parents were also a Praying Mantis and a Fruit Fly, you no doubt know what its like to spend your days fretting those final few weeks, as your increasingly misshapen body enters the final phase of its transformation turning you into a full on, creepy and weird stick bug person.

We all know the signs… your skull begins to look increasingly pronounced, your arms and legs thin to the point of falling off and your skin begins to look like it was stripped from your body, tied in knots, beaten against a wall for a few days and thrown back on you upside down and backwards leaving your body looking lumpy and odd.

Then, before you know it, the lumpy exoskeleton developing beneath your skin begins to show through on your legs as it readies to break out of its aging and tore up outer shell.

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