I wish I had lots of money so I could get a forensic pathologist to go around making up excuses for me.

Last week in the Phil Specter murder trial, defense “expert” Dr. Werner Spitz asserted that the blood found on the Specter’s jacket “may” have been in fact spit on the music producer in Lana Clarkson’s final dying breath.

Prior to the doctor’s testimony the prosecution had been trying to pose a far-fetched theory that the blood may have actually come from the gallons of hemoglobin spewing from the gaping bullet hole in Clarkson’s skull.

Clearly Dr. Spitz (insert blood spitting joke here) is the man to call if you are a defendant in a paternity suit and you want to use the, “your honor I think somebody done stole my love juice and poured it into her va jay jay”, defense.

Dr. Spitz “may” be biased because he is being given $2,500 a day for his testimony. It is not known if Dr. Spitz will be accepting payment from Specter in cigarettes and sexual favors rather than dollars when he pays his bill from San Quentin federal prison.

Maybe the defense’s next expert witness will be renowned zoologist Dr. Jack Hanna. He could testify that the stain “may” have come from a scratch from a ravenous squirrel that was nesting in Specter’s enormous hair.

Although she didn’t contribute in any way to this article, Court TV’s Nancy Grace is in fact a detestable, annoying person with nothing but hate and a half digested mint julep in her heart.

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