Whatever happened to Paris Hilton in jail, it certainly bears no resemblance to what she described in her interview with Larry King.

For certain she put on an orange jumpsuit, she probably ate some baloney sandwiches for lunch, but there’s no way on earth she “spoke to other inmates through the vents”, wrote a lot, or “read a lot of books”.  Unless a mattress tag is considered a book.  She also said that she coped with her situation by “meditating”.  Uh-huh.

Hilton called her short term in jail a “blessing in disguise” and said that now she’s going to “follow all the laws”.  When Larry King asked if her jail time had taught her a lesson, she said that it was “very traumatic”, that “God has a reason”, and that it allowed her to take a “time-out in life”, even though she felt like she “was in a scary movie”. 

Lets run through some of these equations, shall we?

Blessing in Disguise + Baloney Sandwich = Follow All the Laws

Jail + Trauma = God Has a Reason

Meditating + Time-Out In Life = Scary Movie

I have no idea what the fuck she’s talking about, but when rich people who go to jail get richer by going to jail, I feel like I’M in a scary movie.  So I meditate and eat a baloney sandwich, then I’m in a special place where I don’t feel so bad.

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