I am sure I probably speak for everyone here at Daily Contempt (wherever the heck “here” is… I’m personally quite confounded by this whole “interwebs” concept), and I certainly speak for myself, and maybe even for some other people I’ve never even heard of yet, when I say, hey, kiddo. Happy New Year. May your and my and everyone else’s 2008 be full of no Paris Hilton, absolutely no Britney Spears, and as little Lindsay Lohan as humanly possible. In fact, let’s go one step further: Let’s make it our resolution. No more of these skeezy no-talent helium heads. Let’s ignore them. All year at least … forever, if we can manage it.  We can do it. Together.

Yes. We can.

So last weekend Lindsay Lohan went to some place called “Capri”, and while she was there, “Capri-ing”, as it were, she totally whored out with THREE different guys, but I saw the pictures and they guys are way hot, so I’m not throwing stones. But here’s the whoreish breakdown anyway, for, you know, posterity’s sake:

Guy “numero uno” was a scorchingly sexy waiter boy called Alexandra Di Nunzio, and they met at some film, and not a restaurant, as one might expect. They were pictured making out, and “getting cozy” at her hotel.

Then she got herself all over a guy called Eduardo Costas, who they say is an “older gentleman”, but what exactly he’s older than the sources refused to say. (Older than rocks? Or older than Lindsay Lohan, which is, like, what, 16?)

And the final “fella” that Lindsay allegedly hoochied around with was known as “Dario Faiella” and he’s a big rich son of some Italian music “legend” called Peppino Di Capri (I’ve-a nevah heard-a a-him). So. Three guys.

I KNOW. What. A. Total. Whore.

Welp, there it is the first resolution of 2008 totally destroyed. Now let’s get to work on our diets. 

Adrian Ryan

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