Drugs. Well, they’re awesome, aren’t they?

Of course they are.

They must be. Totally awesome. Awesomest.  

Awesomer, indeed,  than fabulous careers, fame, money, beauty, and teeth, otherwise how to explain Amy Winehouse? She’s more famous for her drugging than her singing, and Evel Kneivel himself couldn’t jump the jagged caverns in her smile (or the holes in her arms), were he alive, which he isn’t. And that’s the good news.  

But, sadly, the drugs can have all sorts of unexpected and rather twirley side effects too—and not just the regular old side effects like all your teeth falling out and going to jail. Side effects like the dreaded Not Able to Get into America Syndrome, which afflicts Amy Winehouse as we speak, and Always Getting Confused with Claire Danes Syndrome, which Kirsten Dunst suffers from. And yes, Claire…I mean KIRSTEN…is a big wretched druggie too, you betcher boots. (I bet you didn’t see that coming.) Especially when she is at Sundance, apparently. Which isn’t saying much because I’ve bee to Sundance, baby, and EVERYONE but EVERYONE at Sundance is a coked-out disaster: it’s a miracle any films can be seen behind all the mountians of coke. It’s whatcha call tradition.

But apparently poor Cla…I mean KIRSTEN, dammit…partied a little too hardy this year, as they say, and she cracked. Broke down. Choked up. And now she’s in rehab, and yes, she’s in exactly the SAME rehab that Eva Mendez is in as I type this, and, yes, that’s the SAME rehab that Linsday Lohan (remember her? Me neither!) was confined to all last summer, and what does this have to do with Amy Winehouse not getting into the country?

Excellent question.  

Amy has been denied a visa, which she apparently needs, to get back into this country, and all on the basis of her relentless hoovering and smoking and injecting and so forth. She was supposed to sing at the Grammys, but now she’ll just have to stay home and smoke crack with her cat and lose some more teeth. As usual.  Poor Grammys.

In other “news”: Hugh Heffner, who was Moses’ towel boy, has announced that his girlfriend is pregnant, and don’t try to tell me some kind of drugs weren’t involved in THAT charming scenario. Don’t you even dare.  

Yay..I mean…boo…drugs!

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