There is only one story in the whole world wide today, and it is the sudden and tragic death of Heath Ledger—accomplished actor, beloved father, Brokeback Mountaineer.  

Heath was, as I am sure you know, found dead early Monday morning in an apartment that has SOMETHING to do with Mary Kate Olsen somehow. The details are fuzzy. Like his cute little dimpled chin. Was. He was merely 28.  

Ohhh, this is all just too wretched for words.  

The gossip vultures, true to their character, were all aflutter from the moment the news of his death was made public, and wild rumors flew in every direction like a flock of startled canaries; depending on whom you were listening to (and bear with me please, as this gets slightly nauseating): he was found unconscious by the maid, he was on the floor of Mary Kate or Ashley or whosever’s New York City apartment, he was surrounded by a dramatic spray of pills in a very Valley of the Dolls tableaux, he was found in bed and had died peacefully in his sleep with any and all alleged “pills” safely in a bottle on a bedside stand, that it was an accidental overdose of illegal drugs, that it was an accidental overdose of prescription drugs, that it was an on-purpose overdose of one or both, that it was foul play, that it definitely wasn’t foul play, that the apartment really had nothing to do with either of the Olson Twins in any way whatsoever, that Heath had been terribly sick with pneumonia when he died, and that in some weird way that no one can quite satisfactorily explain, a masseuse is involved. The masseuse is the only factor that seems to be consistent. Personally, I suspect Reese Witherspoon and witchcraft are somehow all wrapped up in this, but this is no time to get into all that. But the most comforting and clarifying story comes directly from Heath’s own poor mom and dad, from way down there in Australia:  

We, Heath’s family, confirm, the very tragic, untimely and accidental passing of our dearly loved son, brother and doting father of Matilda. He was found peacefully asleep in his New York apartment by his housekeeper at 3:30 p.m. U.S. time.

We would like to thank our friends and everyone around the world for their well wishes and kind thoughts at this time. Heath has touched so many people on so many different levels during his short life but few had the pleasure of truly knowing him.

He was a down to earth, generous, kind-hearted, life-loving and selfless individual who was extremely inspirational to many. Please now respect our families need to grieve and come to terms with our loss privately. 

And still Britney somehow walks the earth. It’s confounding. That’s all I have to say. Confounding.  

Adrian Ryan

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