Who really gives a crap about no Golden Globes? I don’t. I really don’t.

I hate awards shows. All of them. If I wanted to watch a big circle jerk, I’d spy-cam a locker room. Which I do, and have done. But who in their right mind could want to sit through the mind-numbing brain-strangle that is Golden Globes? A big masochist, that’s who. Whom. Whatever. Plus, the Golden Globes are vaguely anti-Christian. If the Son of God supported the Golden Globes, he would never have invented The MTV Movie Awards. Believe it.

God, I hate that crap too. The MTV Awards, not Jesus. He’s okay. I met him at a party.

Viva la Writer’s Strike!

Anyway, Britny Spears freaked out outside of the courtroom and ran away and she’s losing custody of her kids forever probably as we speak and she possibly might even be committed (I predict) to some sort of asylum and this is ALL TOO GROSS TO CONTIUE. Like ALWAYS.

Also like always: Clay Aiken would like you to know that he’s not any sort of homosexual dammit, and if you imply any other such thing, why he’ll get all pissy and spit and fuss like a hot Southern Belle on a hot plate. When asked in a NewsWeek interview about recent remarks that Rosie O’Donnell made implying that Mr. Aiken could be a big ‘mo, he pitched a big fit and said,

“I’m not going to talk about it…I’m not going to discuss it. We’re done. I thought Newsweek would be more reputable. I’m surprised. This is Newsweek. It’s not the National Enquirer.”

And then he snapped in a big “Z”, went, “Guuuuuuuurl”, and pranced out of the room like a magical unicorn.

Adrian Ryan
dailycontempt.com

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