Senior Los Angeles County District Judge Yo Q. Ono has issued an arrest warrant for Britney Spears for the murder of her ten-year-old career. She was filmed at the so-called “Video Music Awards” late last week as she brutally beat her career with what appeared to be some sort of cool drugged apathy in front of thousands of shocked eye witnesses.

Her career died at the scene.

“It was horrible,” claims a horrified eyewitness.

“Her poor career just couldn’t defend itself…and the cold stupid look in her eyes as she did it, the casualness of it all, as the career just laid there, bleeding, bleeding, bleeding…it made my blood run clod. There’s something seriously wrong with that girl.”

Sources confirm that police believe the murder was premeditated. “We have a witness who will swear under oath that she overheard Britney bragging in a random and frightening way about the crime in a Las Vegas nightclub ladies room the night before the murder,” claimed a source in the Las Vegas police force.

We’ve obtained the deposition from the witness.

“She was in the next stall over, making strange “beep, beep, beep” noises, and then what sounded like crying. Then I heard her say quite clearly in a terrifying, almost inhuman voice, “I HATE IT! I HATE MY FUCKING CAREER SO MUCH! I’m gonna kill it, do you hear me? Fucking kill it!”

I think 50 cent was in there with her the whole time, but I can’t be sure. I really kinda hadda crap, so I got up to look for another women’s room. Wait, can you take out that crap part?”

Apparently, when Britney heard about the warrant she took off in white Bonco, and was last seen heading north. Police are unconcerned.

“We’re just gonna wait till it runs out of gas. Then when she runs off screaming, we’ll just run her down in a helicopter. It’s under control.”

The penalty for the charges if convicted is a lifetime of mediocrity, several failed comeback attempts, 24 VH1 reality shows as a C-List Celeb and being the subject of a whole new genre of jokes.

by Adrian Ryan

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