The exact moment that Britney Spears actually turned into a zombie hooker sausage is vague, elusive, and steeped in contention. The only absolute certainty before us at this point is that she totally DID, and also perhaps that she seems to have confused the difference between LAUNCHING her comeback and LUNCHING it. Har-har.Indeed, the tragic lump of rotting popmeat stank up the VMA’s last night even more than usual perhaps with a paunchy and lethargic performance that besmirched the noble art of the lip-synch and generally disgusted the world. Sources report that her big VMA moment was so soaked in suckage that Britney herself even bust into tears backstage when it was all finally over, wasting valuable water and probably making her look even worse, what with mascara all steaking down her porky little cheeks.

Experts are just relieved that she managed to kill her career before she killed her kids. Sort of.

Run, Sean Preston! RUN!

By Adrian Ryan

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