Well, the big news today is that Heath Ledger is still dead.

Horrible. But I’m keeping vigil. I’ll never stop. Never.  

Stop looking at me like that. Have you never loved?  

Besides that, Britney Spears is insane. It’s totally official. She is “in for observation” (as they say), which in medical terminology means, “We’re going to charge you $750,000 dollars to tell you what you already know—you crazazy, biznitch!” (Somebody call Michael Moore! Oh…no…please don’t, he eats all the pickles.) And this is a very, well, something or other, situation, indeed.

(Adjectives fail.)  

For you see, if the so-called “observation” goes badly, well. She could be locked up against her will indefinitely. As in “for life.” And say what you will about that poor girl, that would be, as they say, the pits. And if it goes “well?” They’ll charge her double, let her out, and she’ll just keep being crazazy.

This doesn’t look like it is going to happen though, as the hospital has already classified her as GD—“greatly disabled”.  

Well. At least she’ll get the good parking spaces now.  

It’s the silver linings that keep us going.  

What I think? Thanks for asking. I think that Britney does not need expensive quacks quacking around her addled little head; what she needs is the world’s strongest coffee enema (call Starbutt’s—we need a double-tall Crapuccino, stat!”), a good slap across the face, a restraining order against all paparazzi, and three years camping in the Swiss Alps with a heard of Ethiopian orphans, survivor style. Then she needs to get a real driver’s license and another one of those little red string Kabala bracelet thingies. Straighten her right up.  Otherwise, you know. She’s just gonna die and junk. Heaven forbid.  Mark my words.  

But something very strange, here: There is a very hot actor called Justin Chambers, and he plays Dr. Alex Karev on “Grey’s Anatomy.” (I never watch.) Well…um…I don’t know how to say this, but he checked himself in to the loony bin today too, to “get some help” with some sleep and anxiety issues he has. The weird thing? He checked into the exact same psych ward as Britney. Indeed. UCLA Medical Center. And what, exactly do you make of that? Coincidence? Chance? Are they secretly screwing, or going to screw? Or is Britney so powerful a trendsetter, she has made madness the new teacup poodle?

Yes. That’s what I think.  

Speaking of people who are going to die: Amy Winehouse. Even her poor old mum said so in an interview with the BBC. “If my ickle girl don’t stop wif the drugs and the ‘eroine and all, she’ll be dead in a year, she will!” she said, and then she sold me a meatpie and a lump of coal for three farthings, ten. Then she sang, “The Rain In Spain Falls Mainly on the Plain” for ten pence more. Lovely voice. A bargain.

Poor Amy Winehouse.  

Adrian Ryan

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