Since the release of the scathing telephone message left for his daughter this year, “30 Rock” star Alec Baldwin has guaranteed his absence from any big awards. Even still, there are easily nine awards he could win this year.

1 – People’s Choice Award. These are reserved for the biggest celebrities that might actually show, so Baldwin easily tops the list, since he’s always free on big award nights.

2 – Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes 9th Runner-Up Award. He may have already won!

3 – Father of the Year, Tikrit. It ain’t much, but when you compare parenting styles, he’s pretty nice.

4 – Most Improved Bowler. With all his newfound free time, with big offers all but gone, he’ll have the time needed to work on learning how to pick up that pesky 7-10 split.

5 – Tooby Award. YouTube has their own awards program, it’s not hard to imagine he could win, especially when you consider the popularity of him yelling at his precious “little pig”.

6 – Teen Choice Video Music Award. They aren’t that tough to win, so now we have to wait for somebody to set his voice mail clip to music… and make a rocking video for it.

7 – Latin Grammy. Why not, Hasselhoff wins music awards in Germany.

8 – Custody of his kids may be awarded. Compared to the new and decidedly unimproved David Hasselhoff, he still looks like a model father.

9 – The Bicycling Awareness Award, thanks to his famous, public display of backpedaling. Not the best way to lose weight, but once out of work, he’ll have more time to ride bikes and less money for food to chubby-up, and nobody chubbies-up like the Baldwins.

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