The California Justice League or whatever has begun acting on the dark and terrible suspicions
they’ve been suspicioning since the moment she dropped dead, dead, DEAD, and are finally warranting potential perps in the mysterious and now surely foul play-ish death of Anna Nicole Smith!

“It was murder, I tells ya! MURDER!” said District Attorney Loraine Newman, and then she ran howling from the room, into the dark, dark night.

So far, Anna’s psychiatrist, Dr. Khristine Eroshevich, has been ordered in for questioning, and Howard K. Stern, who I’m pretty sure is the little Jewish lawyer and not the big jackass radio personality, is surely next!

Or is he?

Yes!

“We’re told that eight warrants were served altogether by armed officers, and these may be connected to the Department’s investigation of Dr. Eroshevich. Sources say the warrants were served at several businesses connected to Anna’s doctors and at a storage facility. Ellyn Garafalo, a lawyer for Dr. Sandeep Kapoor, who prescribed methadone to Smith shortly before she died, confirmed to the AP the doctor’s home and offices were among those raided.

But what, if anything, do the Kennedy’s have to do with this? Good question!

“We’re looking into. Anytime a fat famous blonde whore overdoses mysteriously, we have to haul in the Kennedy’s. All of ‘em. It’s just standard procedure.”

Anna Nicole’s tortured spirit was busy screaming for justice from the particular bowel of purgatory in which she sizzles, and was unavailable for comment.

In other news: In a scandal that has shocked the world a little bit maybe, Britney Spears announced at a press conference just moments ago that her children—Sean Preston and Something-something–were never actually taken from her, and she never divorced her ex-husband Kevin Federline…because these people don’t even really exist! “That’s right y’all,” the gum-smacking cootch-flasher said,” It was all a big publicity hoax thingy! Yes, sir! Kevin and the boys? Why they weren’t all nuthin’ but C-G-I tek-nowl-o-gee! In’t that just a hoot! So y’all can go back to lovin’ me again now! Love me! PLEASE LOVE ME! LOVE ME!” and then she broke down into heaving, wretching sobs and finally fell asleep in a fetal position on the stage. Wait for it….

by Adrian Ryan

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