I’ve never screamed at a child from 3,000 miles away, but if I had, I’d hope it’s the child of a terrorist, evil genius, some other parent or anybody else except myself and Kim Basinger. No such luck for down-on-his-own-damn-luck Alec Baldwin after super-secret court tapes leaked revealed the “Darkman” had gone darker still in a tirade against his own, non-Irish daughter Ireland. Naturally, he did what any father would do, he turned to Dr. Phil.

Baldwin has already blamed everyone including Basinger (for being a mean ex), Ireland (for being a bad kid), an un-named man who leaked the tape (you know who you are), and the American public at large for not understanding what he goes through as a non-custodial father (because obviously all Americans have custody of their children, jackass.)

Baldwin, reaching out for Dr. Phil’s trademark brand of awkward, often less-than-helpful, though more-than-publicized help, said, “I realize that was wrong.” He further pointed out that everyone who knows him knows he has “a great relationship” with his daughter, though perhaps a rude, thoughtless little pig. Those are his words, not ours. Sounds like someone could use a second helping of Dr. Phil McGraw.

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