Politics is show business for ugly people. This is a fact. A law of nature. A mandate from God. Celebrities are odious, corrupt and vile reprobates, oh yes indeedy-do, but the very worst of the worst type of celebrity-type creature of all is a fucking politician. Horrible creatures, beneath contempt.

Celebrities in general are stupid and spoiled. Politicians are evil and corrupt.

Celebrities are famous for being pretty and maybe sometimes entertaining.

Politicians are famous for being ugly, lying, and turning the world into their toilet. I loathe and despise politicians. All politicians. They are warts on the already horrible ass of fame, and I wish them all no less than Ebola.

I take a great perverted joy in their degradation and humiliation. This is why it gives me great pleasure to bring you the following super exclusive up-close and personal with Senator Larry Craig’s dirty, dirty sex toilet!My personal team of forensic investigators crashed through the yellow police tape and fought their way passed vicious dogs that were guarding the entrance of the Minneapolis/Saint Paul International Airport to bravely bring you these amazing almost never seen before maybe shots from the Crime Scene…The Bathroom Where It All Happened–the terrible place where that dirty old closet case from Idaho had his perverted toe-tapping tragedy that neatly destroyed his pitiful, Republican-Christian-gay –bashing political career and life in general. And you’re about to see it exactly as the Senior Senator saw it, right before he was hauled off to the no-pokey pokey. (Sans the big black cop, of course. And that’s another thing….Have you totally noticed how the whole jungle-lovey, bi-racialness of Senator Craig’s big gay bathroom event has been left totally unexplored? That he, king of the ol’ white daddy crackers, was cruising on big black dick? I’m sure that went over with the Idaho voters like a lead pelican. Anyway.)

Ready then? Let’s begin…

Note: A floppy, Viagra-pumped half erection and a devastating sense of unfathomable regret and desperate self-loathing are recommended for the full effect.

The shadowy entrance!

The ATM across the way!

The toilet where no crap happened!

Some redheaded backpacker, possibly a European or terrorist, snapping pictures of himself in the bathroom mirror!

The report from my spies!

“As I stood there snapping photos with my camera phone an guy driving one of those little airport passenger cars slowed down to ask me why I was taking photos of the bathroom.

I said, “Well, this is the famous bathroom.”

He said, “Yes…Yes it is.” quite dryly and resumed his drive.

Intriguing. Provocative. Rather revolting.

And thank you to my intrepid spies. Please tell me you washed your fucking hands.

by Adrian Ryan

Share It!