Life is hard.

Not only must the world endure Kirsten Dunce being regarded as a sex symbol, despite her rat teeth and stuffed-moose eyes, or that she is regarded as an actress, despite her inability to pull off any emotion more complex than a whining simper, but now we must also learn that she is a Cakeflusher.

That is, she flushes cake down the toilet.

“Why would anyone do that?” you ask.

The only person who understands is another Cakeflusher.

To be fair, The Sun reports that it was the terrible influence of the British who led her to this grim ceremony.

“To the pair’s delight, their practice has been taken up by their new pal KIRSTEN DUNST, who did it for boyfriend JOHNNY BORRELL’S birthday last month.

Simon said: “I’m starring with Kirsten in the film version of Toby Young’s How To Lose Friends And Alienate People. She’s lovely and we’ve been hanging out with her a lot.

Nick added: “When we started flushing birthday cakes in America we told Kirsten about it and she quite enjoyed it.

“Then we heard that she flushed Johnny’s cake down the toilet.””

The British, as everyone knows, have lost all respectability by knighting Mick Jagger, Elton John, and Tom Jones, and, running out of miscreants to glorify, are now stuck seducing the worst of our American actresses into Cakeflushing, and other such horrors.

God help us.

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