Facing the threat of a lawsuit, Clear Channel Communications has buckled to the nut job’s demands they take down billboards in Florida advertising a local radio show with the frumpy, scowling diva with tag lines “Total Nut Jobs,” “Shock Therapy” and “Certifiable.” Maybe the pictures of her ugly, chubby, bald head are gone, but the shots of her ugly, chubby, bald snap dragon remain everywhere you look.

The billboards went up, Britney’s lawyers complained, they said they’d take it down, but instead they lied and just said they did.

Britney’s totally valley attorney wrote,

“It was outrageous in the extreme that Clear Channel created and displayed the billboards in the first place. That Clear Channel then had the unabashed temerity to lie about their removal shocks the conscience.”

Since her rehab visit in March, the 25 year old trailer rich singer has been working on repairing the damage done to her body, career and reputation, as well as working on a comeback album by sometimes lip-syncing in assorted Los Angeles area clubs to the disappointment of even die-hard fans.

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Crazy man Tom Cruise said during a famously heated debate on NBC’s “Today” show in 2005 that Brooke Shields was a fool for taking anti-depression drugs, then berated host Matt Lauer for suggesting that psychiatric treatment might help some patients. No, Brooke Shields was crazy for hanging out with Michael Jackson, but no drugs could have saved her. Luckily, she wasn’t crazy and wasn’t victimized, and all because, to her credit, she wasn’t a young boy. That’s something I’ve always liked about her.

John Travolta says his beliefs about psychiatry are the same as those of fellow Scientologist Tom Cruise, who’s defended the “religion’s” stance against psychiatry and the pharmaceuticals.

Travolta says in the July issue of W magazine, on newsstands Friday,

“I don’t disagree with anything Tom says. How would I have presented it? Maybe differently than how he did, but it doesn’t matter. I still think that if you analyze most of the school shootings, it is not gun control. It is drugs at the bottom of it. I don’t want to create controversy; I just have an opinion on things, and there is nothing wrong with stating your opinion if you are asked. Everyone wants that right, and because you are famous doesn’t mean you have less of a right. I will tell you the things that would be the same, fame or no fame. Being up all night would be the same. Liking empty restaurants, liking empty movie theaters - unless I am starring in it. I have never been compelled to share with you my bathroom habits or share with you my bedroom habits. Everyone has a right to privacy, so I have never felt - even though I am famous - that I had to share that with anybody.”

Fortunately, since his appearance in Battlefield earth, also written by fiction author, homophobe and felon, L. Ron Hubbard, nobody has listened to much of anything he’s said.

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Mötley Crüe is suing one of its managers for over $20 million for pushing drummer and noted Pamela Anderson sexer Tommy Lee into doing two miserably failed reality shows, saying it forced the cancellation of concerts, cost the band millions, and otherwise totally sucked. The handful of people who inadvertently watched the shows would also sue, if they could, but no such possibility exists.

The lawsuit claimed that in 2005 manager Carl Stubner got Lee involved in “bad career moves” including the short-lived, but not short enough, reality TV shows “Tommy Lee Goes to College” and “Rock Star: Supernova,” both of which were duly crushed in the ratings, even though Tommy got paid the same either way. Doesn’t he have hepatitis?

The manager didn’t make Lee available for a crappy Mötley Crüe European tour in 2006, forcing cancellation of 40 concerts and a loss estimated at $8 million from ticket and retro rocker merchandise sales. He also is accused of taking 100 free tickets for Mötley Crüe shows he later resold at “scalper” prices.

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“The Price Is Right” thanked Bob Barker for 35 years of service, but now it needs a host, and Rosie O’Donnell would be happy as a clam to take it over. More of a bearded clam than a happy one, but shes made it clear that she’d still like to wrap her thick, sausage-like fingers around those many fine gifts.

Bob Barker said backstage at Friday’s Daytime Emmy Awards,

“She knows the show. There’s no doubt in my mind she could do the show. Now, whether they want a lady host, I don’t know. I’ve never heard that discussed. As far as I know, they’ve only auditioned men.”

The pudgy, abrasive 45 year old lesbian said on her blog that she had met with “The Price Is Right” producers this week, and that she “sure would” take the job, if it was offered to her. She wrote, “I LOVE THE PRICE IS RIGHT,” proving that she not only blogs while drinking, as previously seen on video, but that she also is unaware of what the CAPS LOCK key is.

Others allegedly under consideration include E!’s Todd Newton, “Entertainment Tonight”s Mark Steines, George Hamilton and John O’Hurley.

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Fans of Britney Spears have to pony up more than a quarter to burn her illegally downloaded albums onto CD. As the tides have changed, and celebrities have become ever-bigger cash whores, the cost of being a fan has climbed virtually out through the skylight. Not only do you have to like her, but if you want to be a member of her official fan club, you have to pay $24.98 a year.

Not only does the money support her ex-husbands, drug habits, and the outrageous cost of taking vacations where paparazzi pictures are grainy at best, but it affords fans the luxury of having first dibs on the upcoming concerts she never seems to offer anymore.

So your hard earned, poorly spent money doesn’t just prove that you’re a fan, it also helps the millionaire trash-snob pre-sell her concerts, which helps drive up ticket prices and increase her appearance fees. Not only does she win, it’s a win-win, but only for her, since her official fans can only be losers in the equation.

I guess that’s one way to learn the old adage, and it’s true, “a fool and his money soon part.” Equally as true as “the rich get richer”.

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A federal bankruptcy judge has agreed that O.J. Simpson is little more than a selfish, cowardly turd and thus awarded Ron Goldman’s family full rights to his canceled book, “If I Did It,” ruling that Simpson tried to hide his profits, much like he tried to hide his much ballyhooed double-homicide in the 90s.

A manuscript of the book was handed over to a trustee last Friday, but HarperCollins Publishing retains any existing copies of the book, though they shouldn’t, according to the judge and any remote sense of right or wrong.

One attorney interviewed said,

“Right and wrong aside, this isn’t a black and white issue,” adding, “well, in the case of [O.J. and the] Goldmans, it’s more black than white.”

The Goldmans want to rename the book “Confessions of a Double Murderer,” holding back on better titles like “how that f*cker killed our daughter” and “Here’s how the Goldman’s Would Kill Me, if There Was a White Version of Johnny Cochran”. It is estimated that O.J. has already netted in excess of $600,000 from the confessional, which is sick, wrong, and very interesting to would-be murderers like me.

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21-year-old R&B semi-sensation Ciara, the pipes behind chart-topping albums “Goodies” and “Ciara: The Evolution,” is set to poorly portray Amara, a preacher’s daughter who transforms from church choir singer to international pop superstar.

She told the Associated Press:

“I don’t want to claim the word `nervous’ at all. I’m thinking, `Ciara’s gonna go in, she’s gonna go hard, she’s gonna challenge herself, she’s gonna knock it out. I want to learn as much as I can. … I want to be a sponge on the set. I just want to be an amazing actress,” she says.

“I’m looking forward to a great career and I’m looking forward to many more film experiences, you know, and definitely just becoming my own.”

“Mama” will be distributed by 20th Century Fox’s FoxFaith label, Codeblack Entertainment, is schedule for limited release next year. For now, she’s just, “Excited more than anything,” and fans are “indifferent, as much as anything,” while most of the industry is just, “Who’s Ciara again?” more than absolutely anything at all.

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Famous flaming comic Andy Dick has gone down in a blaze of glory, according to his MySpace page. The former star of “News Radio” announced he’s broken his ankle, won’t be able to make it to his show in Chicago, and that we should all be surprised that such a macho, manly guy like him got hurt, “Doing a stupid stunt I was dared to do.”

I seriously broke my ankle in Atlanta doing a stupid stunt I was dared to do (like my friend Steve-O).  I am in a tremendous amount of pain, and I’m even more tremendously sorry that I can’t be there yet.  However, I will be there soon.  Just give me 5 weeks to heal and we’re going to reschedule.  Then I’ll do a show that’s even more kick-ass! I was very much looking forward to coming out to Boston.  Once again, I sincerely apologize for any inconveniences this created.  

     I’ll see you soon! I’ll be laying on my couch for awhile . I’m thinking about getting a parakeet.

 

Get well soon to me, 

Andy Gimpy Dick

Not just a has been, relegated to doing b-list celebrity roasts, he keeps himself busy producing comedy albums. His latest projects include a pair of comedy albums called, “Do My Shows Always Suck?” and “Was I Ever Funny”.

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A temporary injunction shut down ParisExposed.com last February, but the site full of private, personal Paris Hilton content is back online. Nabil and Nabila Haniss, whose names are apparently not fake, claim they legally bought scads of personal pictures, videos, prescriptions and other private possessions after Paris and Nicky Hilton stupidly stopped paying on their storage unit.

The injunction was issued when Paris sued the website for invasion of privacy and copyright infringement. It said they couldn’t post any personal information about Hilton, like her medical records and writings. The medical records I can understand, but who the hell would want to read her writings if they’ve ever heard her talk?

Industry attorney Chad Belville said,

“…the injunction prohibits the website from showing her personal information, so the site could remain up and comply with the order at the same time. However, if the site is displaying her personal information in violation of a judge’s order, anyone connected to the website could be affected. The smart thing to do would be to ask for the injunction to be reviewed and changed…it can still operate with all the public information that is out there and [still technically] comply with the judge’s order.”

The site went back up last week to capitalize on all the recent attention Hilton has enjoyed, or suffered, or that we enjoyed while watching her suffer… depending how you look at it.

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Chinese censors have cut half of Chow Yun-Fat’s scenes as a bald-as-Bruce-Willis pirate in the new “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie, saying they insult China’s people, heritage and culture. You know, as if the Chinese have never been barbaric, and as if every other nationality shown in the film isn’t also, equally offended. The British, women, pirates, and even people who don’t go to dentists find offense in the film, but you don’t hear them complaining.

Consistent with China’s sweeping censorship policies, the deputy head of the film bureau under the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television, said the decision to cut scenes was made according to China’s

“relevant regulations on film censorship” and “China’s actual conditions. The captain starring Chow is bald, his face heavily scarred, he also wears a long beard and has long nails, images still in line with Hollywood’s old tradition of demonizing the Chinese.”

The film took in a record $1.3 million on its opening day in China on Tuesday according to The Walt Disney Co., which is pretty remarkably low, what with it being a “Pirates” movie, and a record to boot. Just what is China doing with all our money anyhow?

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